BEA.ST

in evolution
writings about the process…

archive for December, 2009

New Gloobic Music Video! Here the Nothing

-->

We just finished a timelapse dance/music video
called Here the Nothing.

What does that mean, you ask?
http://vimeo.com/8074779

It is the first in a series of studies
in sound and movement.

Eric & Jeff
AKA gloobic

spiritual diary 2009.12.09

-->

hour a day, weekdays; 30 minutes, weekends for last week

I had one of the most challenging sessions yesterday, after not being able to get into proper position before the ‘oommmmm’s started – I have some knee and back problems and if things aren’t just right, an hour wreaks havoc on my body, and I am unable to concentrate. I noticed myself unable to reach a comfortable position quickly, and did not want to bother others’ concentration, so kept the uncomfortable posture. After a few minutes it became clear that I would not be able to focus at all, off balance and uncomfortable. The funny part was my reaction of resentment towards the situation for ‘putting me in this mess’, not letting me get ready in time.

I have noticed mindfulness creeping into these situations slowly, and so the focus of the hour swerved, from breathing attentiveness to an awareness of this resentment which had grown inside of me. I think a few years ago it would have just stagnated as resentment; i didn’t deserve this, how could they do this, etc. But now my reaction was completely different – noticing my body react to something that was not done with any sense of malice, just an unconsciousness of my current state. Nothing to blame! I put myself through a hell with these uncontrolled thought patterns, and only after focusing all my attention on them and on my body’s reaction to them, was I later able to laugh at myself for taking the whole process that seriously. It’s amazing how fast these events turn into what feel like uncontrollable emotions. And, it’s equally amazing, if not moreso, what the attentive lens does to those patterns. Laughing at ones’ self seems to be a great medicine. We’re all going to die anyway! Lately that has been my internal rallying cry – what might seem nihilistic or pessimistic becomes a freeing device.

Today, maybe in reaction to that, maybe unrelatedly, I had one of the clearest, most joyful meditation sessions I’ve ever had. No real coarse excitations over the hour. Intense focus, more details coming out of the rims of my nostrils. Just. This. Just. This.

spiritual diary 2oo9.12.4

-->

one hour a day, for two weeks

The last few weeks have seen a major shift in my discipline and habit. I’ve been meeting with Jay every morning to do roughly an hour of meditation, and this has been from 6-7am. All through high school everyone tried to convince me to get up early and I resisted – it took being unemployed with no enforced structure to get myself up early in the day.

Waking up at 5:45am before the sun is up, meditating, playing music, eating breakfast, and going to the gym, all before turning on the computer (3 hours awake with no computer! when it’s usually ~30 seconds, literally), has been somewhat transformative, even disregarding the meditative experiences itself. My energy feels brighter, cleaner, happier. But the meditations have shifted as well – my focus has been getting noticeably tighter. The walls of my eyelids recede further, upon closing my eyes – if I meditate at night, I notice that they feel a few feet away.

Alan Wallace talks about ‘coarse excitation’ – the type of thought that enters your mind and grabs enough of your attentional focus to divert you completely from your breath. I’ve been doing breath counting until I feel largely rid of coarse excitation, and am slowly seeing it recede. It will be a tougher challenge to face coarse excitations without the aid of breathing to give the mind that simple focusing task. Typically I’ll have one of these coarse excitations like 20 times in an hour session. However, one session last week, I experienced my first 45 minute meditation with a complete lack of coarse excitations. Thoughts floated freely and often, but never to the point of removing me from my object of focus.

Things feel really good right now. Crisp.

 

Archives

 

Categories