BEA.ST

in evolution
writings about the process…

archive for February, 2010

2010.02.16 spiritual diary

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Just had a great weekend with Lauren in town. Wanted to get a few things out that have been happening.

I’m seeing presence more ubiquitously through my experiences. I notice many times a day now where I notice that I’m noticing, where I become aware. It usually lasts for half a second before a thought takes over and fills that void, but it’s a major shift nonetheless. It has made external factors have much less of an ability to affect me in ways I don’t want them to.

I’m noticing my dreams have become more vivid and more memorable upon waking. For the last three days I have awoken with almost complete memory of the dream. I only remember the one from this morning now though, of course:

- This morning I read a tiny bit of ‘I Am That’ by Nisargadatta Maharaj, after dropping Lauren at the airport, and then went back to bed for two hours. I had a vivid dream of going into a small town in India, living there, searching for Nisargadatta, not finding him but staying in a very small town in India and finding peace there. For some reason I remember fixing the sink in the apartment in which I was staying, and seeing a bunch of fruit stands with tons of bananas.

Lastly, I keep noticing that when I get into a higher state of clarity during meditation, this small white or black spot seems to appear in my vision. It doesn’t resolve itself into anything, and if I actively try to think about it it disappears readily, but if I just allow my field of vision to be present with the breath, it seems to evolve.

Brad Mehldau in Boston Sanders Theatre

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Just got back from seeing Brad Mehldau in Sanders Theatre in Boston.

I am looking outside a cave, waiting for the next predator to come about, feeling the anxiety of a kill 10,000 years ago from our ancestors; only to realize that he’s covering a neil young song.

I am listening to variations on a theme by Brahms, only to wake up to the fact that the themes are on Nirvana.

This man knows how to enter the moment.

 

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